OUR MARITAL HEALTH/SEX AND PROBLEMS OF DAILY LIVING: PARENTING PARENTS AND PLEASING PARTNERS
Posted on May 18, 2009, under General health.
He had better make up his mind. He is either my husband or her son. He can’t be both anymore.
WIFE
She is making a love triangle out of this whole thing. She is making me choose between her and my mother. Screw them both!
HUSBAND OF ABOVE WIFE
Even though the elderly are living longer, we have done little to improve their health. They tend to be malnourished, overmedicated, and neglected. We view them as a new national obligation rather than a treasure and a part of our life.
Sexuality remains throughout the life process. There are some physiological changes in the form of slower, sometimes less firm erections and decreased lubrication and some changes in stamina and orgasmic contractions, but sexuality in aging remains intact. The fact that our parents remain sexual and have needs to be touched, loved, visited, talked to, and taken care of spiritually as well as physically has caused problems for some of the couples. Here are some of the responses to attempts to parent parents.
The Caretaker: This spouse assumes the role of medical specialist, advising the parent on all health issues and focusing on the survival rather than the thriving of the parent. Caretakers want to avoid guilt later for not having done enough now, vigilantly monitoring the parents’ health at the expense of the intimacy of their own relationship and the intimacy needs of the parent. The Caretaker seems to be attempting to preserve parents more than love them.
The Surrogate: This adult, whose parent is widowed, serves in the role of the lost partner, attempting to meet the parent’s emotional and survival needs at the expense of the adult’s spouse. The spouse tends to become angry and jealous. Intimacy can be directly affected, with verbal, even physical, battles resulting.
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